It's Complicated

I love the holiday season.  I love Thanksgiving and eating all of the comfort food made by my loved ones.  Leftovers bring those feelings back again and again.  The day after Thanksgiving I put up our Christmas decorations.  I enjoy curling up on the couch with a snuggly blanket with most of the lights off and the Christmas tree on.  Then when it snows, I'm really in the season. 

It snowed today.

This year, I've experienced everything I described above.  If fact as I sit her on the couch writing this post, most of the lights are off and the Christmas tree illuminating the living room.  My advent wreath candles are burning away.  My Christmas season is in full swing, snow and everything.

However, this year I've been experiencing something almost entirely new.  All families have their schwables.  I've just never been in the mix to the point where I've become increasingly uncomfortable.  My eyes have been opened to see that people I look up to, admire, and try and model my behavior after are not what I thought they were. 

It's a bit dishearting to realize that the elders in your family, who should be the more mature members, are not exactly mature in their behavior.  It's unsettling to see that they are manipulating the different family members to have themselves come out on top.  They are giving extra attention, time and money to the "chosen ones."  I don't think I noticed as much until my generation has become old enough (adults, married, children) to be manipulated by money and greed. 

Now quite honestly, I just don't want to be caught up in all of that.  I don't want to be given money, only to be on the hook for whatever is asked of me, whether I agree with what they are asking or not.  My mission is to figure out how to stay on the outskirts of such nonsensical behavior, while being a part of the family get-together.  Very tricky, and really not something I want to be a part of my Christmas season.