I'm so proud of myself. I've been on the treadmill walking and jogging. However, it is hard to do while a three year old stands there the whole time and says, "Mommy, what are you doing?" And did I mention he was eating fruit snacks at the time. He only gets away with it because he is so darn cute!
I've not been snacking, particuarly at night after dinner. Plus it's been less difficult - amazing!
I'm so happy!
On a negative note - I had someone say to me this week that they are worried about my health and well being since I am overweight. Now, I know this person was just being nice. Well, maybe nice isn't the word, but you get my point. My reaction inside was; I don't need you to worry about me. I sometimes want to wear a sign that says, "Don't feel bad for me. Don't pay attention to what I'm doing or eating. It's none of your business. I'm working on myself and I don't need your helping looks or words? They don't help - they make me feel worse."
Yes, I know that's very harsh, but jeez! It's harder for some of than all the rest. I think the comment she made really hurt my feelings. In my opinion we don't have that kind of relationship to say things like that. Now if my mom made the comment, I would have had a whole different reaction.
At least my vent made me feel better, now I can get back to the good place I'm in.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Hypnosis for Weight Loss and other cute snipits
So on my journey to finding myself I am currently in a Hypnosis for Weight Loss program. I'm on the third week and it's going well. Some significant changes I notice are - my craving for snacks, particularly at work and at night have been diminished a ton - I'm drinking 10x's more water than I ever have (and of course going to the bathroom 10x's more than ever!). The biggest change is that I no longer drink pop on a regular basis, it's now more of a treat and I don't miss it at all. I don't crave it whatsoever.
This week I'm working on praising myself for positive things I've done during the day instead of focusing on the goals that may have fell short. Also, I'm working on realizing that everything is a choice and really thinking about my choices before making a decision. I've am making smaller goals for myself. I have always been goal oriented, but my goals tend to be huge and then I'm down on myself when I don't reach them perfectly.
A lot of it is common sense, but when you've done something over and over and it becomes internalized it takes some serious thought when trying to change the negative behavior.
If you are wondering what being hypnotized feels like, its hard to explain. It's very relaxing (something I'm not good at). You have to follow the suggestions you are given. Once I'm hypnotized, I'm aware, but I feel I'm in a very dreamy state. I know what's going on around me, but time seems to fly. The sessions are an hour long, but feel like 20 minutes. After my session I'm so relaxed and in a such a great mood. It's very calming and peaceful.
They also provide cd's every week that you listen to everyday. One of the cd's is labeled "Do not play while driving" and it's because you are in a hypnotic state while listening.
So today - I'm very proud of all the water I've drank. I'm proud of my non-snacking habits today. And I'm proud that I spend 1 hour with Aiden doing what he wanted (puzzles on the floor). I'm also proud of the progress I've made on thinking before making a choice.
Other snipits -
Aiden has found a TY bear that DH got him when he was in the hospital with RSV (4 months old). The bear is super soft and has a sleeper with a hood that has rabbit ears on it. I asked him tonight if his bear is a boy or a girl. He said it's a girl and her name is Sarah. Melted my heart. I showed him how to wrap his "baby" in a blanket like a burrito. He's such a boy loving cars and trucks and dirt, but I'm really glad that he's showing a nurturing side, too.
Before I started writing tonight, Aiden came and told me, "the credits are rolling, Mom - please restart my movie." He makes everything in life worth it.
This week I'm working on praising myself for positive things I've done during the day instead of focusing on the goals that may have fell short. Also, I'm working on realizing that everything is a choice and really thinking about my choices before making a decision. I've am making smaller goals for myself. I have always been goal oriented, but my goals tend to be huge and then I'm down on myself when I don't reach them perfectly.
A lot of it is common sense, but when you've done something over and over and it becomes internalized it takes some serious thought when trying to change the negative behavior.
If you are wondering what being hypnotized feels like, its hard to explain. It's very relaxing (something I'm not good at). You have to follow the suggestions you are given. Once I'm hypnotized, I'm aware, but I feel I'm in a very dreamy state. I know what's going on around me, but time seems to fly. The sessions are an hour long, but feel like 20 minutes. After my session I'm so relaxed and in a such a great mood. It's very calming and peaceful.
They also provide cd's every week that you listen to everyday. One of the cd's is labeled "Do not play while driving" and it's because you are in a hypnotic state while listening.
So today - I'm very proud of all the water I've drank. I'm proud of my non-snacking habits today. And I'm proud that I spend 1 hour with Aiden doing what he wanted (puzzles on the floor). I'm also proud of the progress I've made on thinking before making a choice.
Other snipits -
Aiden has found a TY bear that DH got him when he was in the hospital with RSV (4 months old). The bear is super soft and has a sleeper with a hood that has rabbit ears on it. I asked him tonight if his bear is a boy or a girl. He said it's a girl and her name is Sarah. Melted my heart. I showed him how to wrap his "baby" in a blanket like a burrito. He's such a boy loving cars and trucks and dirt, but I'm really glad that he's showing a nurturing side, too.
Before I started writing tonight, Aiden came and told me, "the credits are rolling, Mom - please restart my movie." He makes everything in life worth it.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
A Big Change
After a year long struggle with cervial dysplasia I have decided to take the plunge and have a hysterectomy. This removal of an internal body part now will have a hand in shaping who I am.
DH and I had decided before this all happened that we were content with one child and that has been our plan. My friend Kerri made an excellent point. There is a difference between not wanting any more children and not being able to have more children.
Am I going to think about my missing uterus everytime I hold someone else's baby? Am I going to long for something I will no longer be able to have even though I had already made the decision to forgo any more children? I don't have these thoughts now. I rather enjoy holding someone else's baby and then handing the baby back when he/she is upset. I enjoy being able to sleep at night and take a nap with my son during the day.
I guess these are all things I will go over in my mind. The whole thing is such a finality. An end. That's it.
DH and I had decided before this all happened that we were content with one child and that has been our plan. My friend Kerri made an excellent point. There is a difference between not wanting any more children and not being able to have more children.
Am I going to think about my missing uterus everytime I hold someone else's baby? Am I going to long for something I will no longer be able to have even though I had already made the decision to forgo any more children? I don't have these thoughts now. I rather enjoy holding someone else's baby and then handing the baby back when he/she is upset. I enjoy being able to sleep at night and take a nap with my son during the day.
I guess these are all things I will go over in my mind. The whole thing is such a finality. An end. That's it.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Changing it Up
I'm going to be twenty-eight in a few weeks and I don't know who I am. Of course I'm a wife, mother, daughter, christian woman and claims analyst, but who am I deep down inside. What makes me me? What drives my actions everyday?
The big 30 is just around the corner. So I'm thought that I would refocus my blog so that I can explore these questions that plague me daily. I'm sure I'm not the only person who asks these questions of themselves. If you are a reader and ask yourself these questions, rest assured I'm right there in the same boat as you.
So begins my journey to answer these questions. Are you ready for the ride - could get rocky.
The big 30 is just around the corner. So I'm thought that I would refocus my blog so that I can explore these questions that plague me daily. I'm sure I'm not the only person who asks these questions of themselves. If you are a reader and ask yourself these questions, rest assured I'm right there in the same boat as you.
So begins my journey to answer these questions. Are you ready for the ride - could get rocky.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Did I mention snow in my last post?
Well, we got snow, snow and more snow.
By the way, the storm is far from over. About an hour after we scooped the driveway was already covered again. They are forecasting winds tonight and using the term "blizzard." I believe the last storm that was even comparable to this one was in 1997. Should be interesting.
By the way, the storm is far from over. About an hour after we scooped the driveway was already covered again. They are forecasting winds tonight and using the term "blizzard." I believe the last storm that was even comparable to this one was in 1997. Should be interesting.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
It's Complicated
I love the holiday season. I love Thanksgiving and eating all of the comfort food made by my loved ones. Leftovers bring those feelings back again and again. The day after Thanksgiving I put up our Christmas decorations. I enjoy curling up on the couch with a snuggly blanket with most of the lights off and the Christmas tree on. Then when it snows, I'm really in the season.
It snowed today.
This year, I've experienced everything I described above. If fact as I sit her on the couch writing this post, most of the lights are off and the Christmas tree illuminating the living room. My advent wreath candles are burning away. My Christmas season is in full swing, snow and everything.
However, this year I've been experiencing something almost entirely new. All families have their schwables. I've just never been in the mix to the point where I've become increasingly uncomfortable. My eyes have been opened to see that people I look up to, admire, and try and model my behavior after are not what I thought they were.
It's a bit dishearting to realize that the elders in your family, who should be the more mature members, are not exactly mature in their behavior. It's unsettling to see that they are manipulating the different family members to have themselves come out on top. They are giving extra attention, time and money to the "chosen ones." I don't think I noticed as much until my generation has become old enough (adults, married, children) to be manipulated by money and greed.
Now quite honestly, I just don't want to be caught up in all of that. I don't want to be given money, only to be on the hook for whatever is asked of me, whether I agree with what they are asking or not. My mission is to figure out how to stay on the outskirts of such nonsensical behavior, while being a part of the family get-together. Very tricky, and really not something I want to be a part of my Christmas season.
It snowed today.
This year, I've experienced everything I described above. If fact as I sit her on the couch writing this post, most of the lights are off and the Christmas tree illuminating the living room. My advent wreath candles are burning away. My Christmas season is in full swing, snow and everything.
However, this year I've been experiencing something almost entirely new. All families have their schwables. I've just never been in the mix to the point where I've become increasingly uncomfortable. My eyes have been opened to see that people I look up to, admire, and try and model my behavior after are not what I thought they were.
It's a bit dishearting to realize that the elders in your family, who should be the more mature members, are not exactly mature in their behavior. It's unsettling to see that they are manipulating the different family members to have themselves come out on top. They are giving extra attention, time and money to the "chosen ones." I don't think I noticed as much until my generation has become old enough (adults, married, children) to be manipulated by money and greed.
Now quite honestly, I just don't want to be caught up in all of that. I don't want to be given money, only to be on the hook for whatever is asked of me, whether I agree with what they are asking or not. My mission is to figure out how to stay on the outskirts of such nonsensical behavior, while being a part of the family get-together. Very tricky, and really not something I want to be a part of my Christmas season.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Comments
If you are a reader and have a comment, please do so. I would love to hear your thoughts and feedback. Suggestions are always welcome. Let me know if you would like to see more items I've made, or a topic you'd like to hear my thoughts on. Just let me know!
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