Saturday, December 26, 2009

A Big Change

After a year long struggle with cervial dysplasia I have decided to take the plunge and have a hysterectomy.   This removal of an internal body part now will have a hand in shaping who I am. 

DH and I had decided before this all happened that we were content with one child and that has been our plan.  My friend Kerri made an excellent point.  There is a difference between not wanting any more children and not being able to have more children. 

Am I going to think about my missing uterus everytime I hold someone else's baby?  Am I going to long for something I will no longer be able to have even though I had already made the decision to forgo any more children?  I don't have these thoughts now.  I rather enjoy holding someone else's baby and then handing the baby back when he/she is upset.  I enjoy being able to sleep at night and take a nap with my son during the day. 

I guess these are all things I will go over in my mind.  The whole thing is such a finality.  An end.  That's it.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Changing it Up

I'm going to be twenty-eight in a few weeks and I don't know who I am.  Of course I'm a wife, mother, daughter, christian woman and claims analyst, but who am I deep down inside.  What makes me me?  What drives my actions everyday?

The big 30 is just around the corner.  So I'm thought that I would refocus my blog so that I can explore these questions that plague me daily.  I'm sure I'm not the only person who asks these questions of themselves.  If you are a reader and ask yourself these questions, rest assured I'm right there in the same boat as you.

So begins my journey to answer these questions.  Are you ready for the ride - could get rocky.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Did I mention snow in my last post?

Well, we got snow, snow and more snow. 






By the way, the storm is far from over.  About an hour after we scooped the driveway was already covered again.  They are forecasting winds tonight and using the term "blizzard."  I believe the last storm that was even comparable to this one was in 1997.  Should be interesting.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

It's Complicated

I love the holiday season.  I love Thanksgiving and eating all of the comfort food made by my loved ones.  Leftovers bring those feelings back again and again.  The day after Thanksgiving I put up our Christmas decorations.  I enjoy curling up on the couch with a snuggly blanket with most of the lights off and the Christmas tree on.  Then when it snows, I'm really in the season. 

It snowed today.

This year, I've experienced everything I described above.  If fact as I sit her on the couch writing this post, most of the lights are off and the Christmas tree illuminating the living room.  My advent wreath candles are burning away.  My Christmas season is in full swing, snow and everything.

However, this year I've been experiencing something almost entirely new.  All families have their schwables.  I've just never been in the mix to the point where I've become increasingly uncomfortable.  My eyes have been opened to see that people I look up to, admire, and try and model my behavior after are not what I thought they were. 

It's a bit dishearting to realize that the elders in your family, who should be the more mature members, are not exactly mature in their behavior.  It's unsettling to see that they are manipulating the different family members to have themselves come out on top.  They are giving extra attention, time and money to the "chosen ones."  I don't think I noticed as much until my generation has become old enough (adults, married, children) to be manipulated by money and greed. 

Now quite honestly, I just don't want to be caught up in all of that.  I don't want to be given money, only to be on the hook for whatever is asked of me, whether I agree with what they are asking or not.  My mission is to figure out how to stay on the outskirts of such nonsensical behavior, while being a part of the family get-together.  Very tricky, and really not something I want to be a part of my Christmas season.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Comments

If you are a reader and have a comment, please do so.  I would love to hear your thoughts and feedback.  Suggestions are always welcome.  Let me know if you would like to see more items I've made, or a topic you'd like to hear my thoughts on.  Just let me know!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Old Post that was never posted - thought I would share anyway.

My trip to the ER - June 2009.

I love to sew. In our spare bedroom I have set up a little sewing area. It was about 8:30 at night and I was almost done with my latest project. I was very tired, but determined to finish my project (more on that later).

I was working on a lining that does not have to be perfect so I had the sewing machine going pretty fast. The next thing I knew the needle was through my finger. I was a bit shocked. I went out into the living room to show DH.

We considered pulling it out ourselves and probably would have, but the needled broke in my finger so it was at a 90 degree angle with the corner in my finger. The head of the needle was still threaded.

So off to the ER I went living DH at home to put Little Man to sleep. They numbed me up, pulled both pieces of the needle out and gave me a tetanus shot.

The next day, where the needle was was a bit sore, but the places where they put the numbing medicine in hurt way worse, not to mention the tetanus shot sight. My arm still hurts. Thank goodness it wasn't worse. I had been telling Little Man all day to keep his fingers away from the sewing machine. Maybe I should have heeded my own advice.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Little Man

Here's some pictures of my beloved Little Man.

Watching Monster Trucks at the Fair
Fun at the Zoo
Helping DH
Emptied a whole bag of Goldfish into his Truck - he's so proud.
I just love him so much. 

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Crafty

So I'm told that I'm a wee bit crafty.  So I thought I would share something I made recently.  I apologize in advance for the picture quality.  DH told me that in the future he will be my photographer. 

My cousin is getting married and recently I attended a bridal shower for his fiance.  I made her a crochet keepsake cake embelished with beads in the wedding colors - purple, teal and orange. 

The card attached said the following:
"There are 3 pennies inside this cake.  Two are dated 1988 for the years that you and Kurt were born and one penny is dated 2009, the year that "...two shall become one..." (Mark 10:8).  The pennies are inside of the cake to represent your faith in God and your marriage, both of which are not always visiable.  I love you both very much and know you will be very happy together.  Love, Sarah"
The bride read the note out loud at the shower, which prompted and "Ahhh" by everyone in the room.  I was throughly embarrased. 
On another note, I had someone tell me today that they cared what I had to say.  Thank you, Kerri! 

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Followers

I have no blog followers. :( Of course, I'm a blog slacker! I know that at least one person reads my blog. I get excited when she says something about my blog - thank you Miss Unnamed.
I wonder, though, how to get blog followers. I also want to know how to see how many hits I've received on my blog. I'm feeling sometime spent on google may be in my future.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Motive

Today, someone I haven't talked to in months and months emailed me. The email was very generic, a sort of "Hi, how are you?" type. My mind immediately jumps to motives. Was she just thinking about me or is there something she wants. I don't mind if there is something needed from me, but don't beat around the bush. Or is there really a bush to beat around?

I'm probably over thinking the whole situation, but I can't help myself. Email is so hard to read. You can't really tell the intent of the person unless it is spelled out using just words. Humans are so much more than just words.

I'm particularly good a poker. I'm won a couple of tournaments and in home games. Probably a good $1,000 over all. My family asks me what makes me good at the game. It's the ability to read people.

You can read people, but you can't read email. Body language and tone of voice are just not a part of email.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

B.S.

Yes, yes. I admit it. I know. I'm horrible.

I'm a Blog Slacker!

I think about my blog every night...does that count as a post? I guess not.

Recently, I have realized that not all people should blog. Maybe I'm one of them, maybe I'm not.

If you are promoting your blog then I think it would be a good idea to think, rethink, and think again about doing it.

My 2 cents for the day. Not that anyone cares, but me!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Dionnes vs. Gosselins

In 1934 a set of quintuplets were born to a farmer and his wife. They were not expected to survive, but they did. They became a side show attraction. A whole compound was built and custody of the children were transferred to the Canadian government. Their care was provided by the doctor who delivered them. They lived in the compound where 100's of 1000's of people came to walk through, take pictures, and visit the girls through 1 way viewing measures.

Around the age of 9 the girls went back to their parents, who lived off of their money. The girls had no idea that they had made so much money and their father was in charge of it. According to a book they contributed to, their parents were very cold and abusive towards the girls. Their siblings were also cold and angry of the attention they had received and the suffering felt while the girls were very young.

Recently, I read a forum post which briefly compared the Gosselin sextuplets to the Dionne quintuplets. I agree there are some striking similarities regarding the actions the two families. However, there are some differences.

While I don't know the private life of the Gosselins, I believe that they are not abusive to the children in the way that the Dionne parents were. According to the book, the Dionne parents physically and sexually abused the children. One of the girls talked about how she was responsible for cleaning all 7 bathrooms including washing the floors by hand every day in the house that was built with their money. The Gosselin children have plenty of other people in the house that would not tolerate abuse of that kind. Even if there were not hoards of other people in the Gosselin household, I can't in good faith believe that either Jon nor Kate would be abusive.

The reactions of the Dionne siblings appeared to be envious and angry that they received so much attention from both the outside world and their parents. One of the Dionnes sisters even told them that the family would be better off without the girls being born. I can clearly see this statement being said to the Gosselin sextuplets by Maddy. She already shows that she is not always wild about the cameras being around. While Maddy loves the sextuplets it appears from the point of view of the Dionne girls that their siblings did not love them and really wanted nothing to do with them.

Even back in the times of the Dionnes paparazzi plagued them. Standing outside the gate that surrounded their home taking pictures and wanting the story of the day. While reading the book, I found that this was the most striking similarity. As the girls were describing the gate and photographers, the image that came to my mind was the pictures being taken from the gate of the Gosselin household.

Implications as to the Gosselin children's future will mirror the Dionnes. For their entire life they have had photographers following them, their personal business always in the news. Once people are curious and see children begin to grow up, it is human nature to want to see that through, especially the major milestones whether they be good or not. Even if the TLC show is ended this season, these children will be followed at the very least until their twenties.

The biggest problem I see with what has happened to each family is, that the children had no choice in the life that they will now lead forever.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

So I fell off the wagon...

The 30 posts in 30 days wagon, that is. I'm so boring I have nothing to write about each day for 30 days. I've resolved myself to at least 1 post per week.

It's hard to write about things in my life. Of course, there are a million and 1 things I would love to write about, but it's scary to put yourself out there for the whole world to see. Five years later is someone going to hold a post over my head? Even if it doesn't say anything, but my true feelings?

I broke down and allowed DH to buy a pool for our backyard. It's 12 feet long by 2 feet deep. I am in love. I could just float in there all day long. It was close to 100 several days last week and DH has to work in the heat. The pool is a good way for him to cool off. But boy, was it a bad week to buy a pool here in town. DH said the shelves were very bare.

Little Man had to be taken to the doctor last week. He came home and was carrying on about nothing. I had him lay on the couch and lay with me, but nothing worked. I had no idea why he was so upset. He probably cried for close to 2 hours before he said that his ear hurt. The doctor took one look in his left ear and said, "I can see why he has been crying." Poor Little Man. I guess it's part of being a kid.

Army Wives here I come. I'm such a T.V. junkie, but hey, we pay good money for cable. Might as well watch it when I have time.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Already!

So I've already cheated by not posting yesterday. After the Father's Day festivities, I was exhausted. Therefore, no post.

Tonight's is probably not going to be much better, but that's not really a problem since my readership is a big fat ZERO.

I'm watching Jon & Kate Plus 8 waiting for the big announcement. I'm thinking it will be the big D. Divorce. I don't feel sorry for them but rather for the children. Jon and Kate did this to themselves and wouldn't stop the T.V. show to fix their marriage and family.

Just a year ago they were renewing their wedding vows and telling their children that they would be together forever. They might as well have gotten each other's name tattooed on each other. Doesn't that equal a break up.

I take my vows very seriously and we have weathered things most people will ever weather. But fame apparently changes your morals, values, and the promises you have made to each other. And since I'm a viewer I've helped to support their fame, but after watching them, I would never trade my family for fame and fortune.

Maybe I'm wrong and they will not get divorced -- will see -- on with the show.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Dress Shopping

I have a wedding to attend in about a month and need a dress for the event. So this morning I went dress shopping with Little Man and my mom.

I swear, that is the worst thing in the world! Either the dress doesn't fit or does fit and is ugly. After several stores and more dresses that I could ever want to try on, Little Man became the green monster. He was so tired and less than thrilled to look at me in another dress.

At least I came home with three options and I guess we will go looking again next weekend.

I've got to find something more interesting to talk about. Recently, I read an article about a city that asks a person to provide their user names and passwords to websites such as Facebook and My Space as part of the interview process. Would they like to look in the person's underwear draw as well?

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Doctors Visits and McDonalds

I took Little Man to the doctor today for a check up. He had to have his ears cleaned out. He is a very waxy kid. The doctor could not see his ear drums nor his tubes. So in came the nurse with a Water Pik. She squirts water into his ear while he screams and holds on to me.

He also screams while the doctor examines him and he screams even louder if he has to lay down. Today was a lay down day.

Apparently, last time he received shots he did not get one of the vaccinations because there was a shortage. So today he got a shot. He screamed because he had to lay down again and then the shot went in and that was the last straw.

I held him and promised chicken nuggets at McDonalds. All the while eating along he told me all about how his leg hurt. Breaks my heart.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Day 5

Day 5 of my challenge and I'm already facing a road block. I have started 2 posts and hated both so now they are in my draft list.

I have no idea what to blog about. It's like I'm at a loss for words. DH would be stunned if I didn't have something to say. He says that if I'm not saying much then I must be mad.

I'm not mad, but rather in a bad mood. I'm super tired and it was a long day. Tomorrow will be a long day as well. We have a funeral to attend and Little Man has a doctor's appointment.

Little Man seems to be sharing in my sentiment. I told him to go play and he broke down in tears. I asked him why he was crying and he said he didn't know. Then he asked for DH. DH is at a class tonight otherwise I'm sure he would take Little Man onto his lap and cuddle until he stopped crying.

So I did what DH would do and now Little Man went to get a tissue. He just brought me 3 full rolls of toilet paper. I guess it's going to be a long night.

There's nothing like being handed a used tissue. I promise a better post tomorrow.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Father's Day

I picked up Little Man from daycare the other day. The teacher told me that they had made a father's day gift for their dads and reminded Little Man not to tell dad what he made. As soon as we got in the car he told me that he painted rocks today. So apparently, DH is getting a painted rock for father's day.

I got DH a sign that says something to the effect of his garage is his castle, which is so true. Hopefully, on Saturday we will be able to whip him up a homemade card. If you haven't guessed already, I like home made items.

I purchased 2 concrete stepping stone kits from my favorite store, Hobby Lobby. I'm going to have Little Man put his handprints in each while I put "World's Greatest BahKah." Little Man has lovingly named his grandpa's BahKah and BahKah Tom. Then they can put the stepping stones down at the farm. I can see it now - Little Man will be 17 and I'll be showing his girlfriend these stepping stones he made when he was two. I'm so sentimental (tear).

A little history. My parents own a farm and DH's dad lives on the farm, while my parents live in town. The arrangement works great and we get to spend a lot of time at the farm four-wheeling, riding horses and bar-b-queuing.

So guess this father's day will be all about rocks, which at the age of two are very interesting.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Recent Successes

We've been making real progress at home over the last few months with Little Man.

1. The pacifier is gone. DH and I took him to Hobby Town with all his pacifiers in a plastic bag. Hobby Town has an area where they stuff animals like Build a Bear, but much cheaper. So we let him pick out any animal he wanted. He chose a dalmation puppy. We let him drop each pacifier into the animal and the lady stuffed it. We also got the puppy pajamas. Best $19 we ever spent.

He asked for a pacy for a few days, but I just told him to hug his Pacy Dog. He's been happy since. Yeah for him!

2. Little Man is now successfully potty trained. He still uses the potty chair, but when we are out in public he will use the public restroom. He even doesn't need a diaper at nap (we still use one at night). So exciting for all of us!

3. I no longer have to rock Little Man to sleep. I read him 2 books before bed time and DH takes him to his room and tucks him in. We have just been doing this for about 2 weeks, but it's been going well. He cries sometimes but it's not longer than 5 minutes or so. Although, if the neighbor boy is out playing basketball, Little Man will stand on his bed and look out the window. Right now, if he's quiet in his room, we're okay with it.

Little Man's well on his way to being a Big Boy! :) I'm such a proud mother.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

30 Posts in 30 Days

So I'm going to commit to having thirty posts in thirty days. I can do this! Wish me luck and I hope you follow along.

I love to crochet and sew. I'm thinking of making some of my own patterns and selling the finished results and the patterns. This will be a time consuming task, but I think I can take this on as long as it remains fun and a hobby. I don't want it to consume my life, but it would be fulfilling to have people like what I create and pay money for it.

Recently, I attending a bridal shower for my cousin's fiance. I wanted her to have something special and hand made. My cousin is very special to me, much like a brother. So I crocheted a small cake, added frosting in the colors of the wedding, and added a few beaded flowers on the top. I was rather impressed with my cake. I also put three pennies inside of the cake and included a note attached to the cake that said:

There are 3 pennies in this cake. Two from 1985, the year of both your births and one from 2009, the year of your wedding. These pennies represent "Two shall become one." Mark 10:8. The pennies are inside the cake to represent your faith in God and your marriage. Both are things that you cannot physically see, but are there. My God Bless you and your marriage. Love, Sarah.

My mom suggested I sell the cakes for 10 dollars a piece, with a version of the note attached. I could make the top a lid so that the correct pennies could be placed in side. It's a great idea. The original idea for his fiance came from an Internet search. Apparently, at some point it was a tradition to give the bride a lucky penny on her wedding day, but all the patterns I found where so old fashioned so I updated the tradition.

I hope she liked it. Of course I got her another gift, but added the cake as a decoration to the wrapping of the other gift. I'll have to get a picture of it and post for you all to see.

P.S. I'm counting yesterday's post as post 1 in my 30 day challenge.